Upgrade - the day afterwards...

Days since upgrade: 1

It's taken me a day to get this down, yesterday was too exhausting and emotional in equal measure.

Why exhausting? I hadn't really banked on my brain reacting quite so powerfully to the new software, if felt like the mental equivalent of a marathon, followed by 100 press-ups, the start of the acclimatising process was surprisingly draining and by the end of the day I just needed to sleep.

Why emotional? Well many reasons really, it's wasn't emotional in the way the first switch on was - no, nothing like that at all. The emotion really came from the continued gratitude that I have that I live in a world where I have access to an option that gives me access to sound. Where else could I walk into a hospital, receive such genuine care, support and dedicated attention? The people at Glan Clwyd Hospital, yesterday, particularly Rhiannon was brilliant, I could not have asked for better. Why else emotional? For the kindness as ever, for friends. I know it's an odd concept for people to understand, heck I don't 'get it' most days, but I am some humbled that it doesn't seem to scare people off, they only send more kindness my way - believe me I fold it up and store it away for my more wobbly days.

So what exactly happened yesterday?

Here's the quick guide!

I met with Rhiannon, my hearing scientist, and she took me through my rather exciting suitcase of new gear, yes my teeny tiny implant means a whole new kit! Yay! Cochlear (the manufacturer of my implant) had decided to offer us recipients an additional upgrade gadget as a gift, I chose a 'mini mike' so I can stream music.

Next, I was hooked up to the PC, and we did a quick check all my electrodes were firing OK - check they were, all good.

 

Next job was to say a fond farewell to Ludwig, my old processor who has served me well over the last five years, while my whole hearing life was downloaded to Blodwen, my new hearing companion.

My new gadgets were then paired up with each other, this means my remote control (yes I have a remote control for my head...) can operate it, as well as mini mike - hope you are keeping up (can you understand while I was exhausted now, lots of learning as well as hearing!)

Finally, I was all switched on, and I was good to go, complete with my suitcase of new hearing gadgets.

Today, work has been an interesting experience - not least because I thought it would be a good idea to squeeze in 6 meetings to 7.5 hours, because everything sounds so different. The main difference about my new hearing set-up is that it has a 'scan' programme, which means the implant is constantly looking for the most appropriate hearing programme - which means quite a bit of autonomous change.

I've felt like a super spy today, I've heard people from across the office who I wouldn't usually hear (without seeing them). Some people's voices sound a lot more 'clipped', some voices deeper.

Music in the car has been a frustration, the new processor has a sound compressor, which has meant no more loud volume, not sure how this is going to work in two weeks time when I go to see AC/DC?!

So that's me, one day in.

I'm tired, elated, exhausted, happy - and looking forward talking and listening more.

The night before - it may be about machines, but this time it's personal

Days until upgrade: 0

It's the night before the big switchover, but instead of enjoying the sounds that I have become so used to (and I love) I have turned them off and I'm sitting here in enforced silence.

I'm not sure what says about me! Perhaps I am a sucker for 'punishment' or I want to start the letting go process... (In case something goes wrong)

So letting go of what I have become so used to over the last 5 years.

Over the last few days or so I have made sure that I have spoken 1-1, where possible, to people that mean the most to me, so that I can listen to their voices without distraction. I wanted to remember what those people's voices sound like NOW, as they are incredibly precious sounds to me, I truly adore them, more than those people will ever know.

Of course those people won't have been aware what I have been doing, I haven't sat them down and said, 'just talk to me, I don't want to forget what you sound like, in case you never sound the way you do now.' I have just babbled on in my usual random manner, and listened perhaps a little more intensely than usual.

How I have grown to love those voices - some who I have known forever, some who are a lot newer to me, but all are equally loved.

I look forward to hearing them again after tomorrow, how I will drink them in - people can recite the alphabet or shipping forecast, but it will be the most perfect thing ever as long I can hear the familiarity of their voices.

A joke or a techie?

Days until upgrade: 3

So another week has gone by and another week of ruminating has taken place.

In the interests of sharing, I have told a few people about what is coming up and it mostly has been received with perplexed faces, I must admit "I've been called for an upgrade," doesn't naturally flow in 2016 conversation, maybe in 2116 it will be a more regular part of dialogue.

The people I have told have either made it into a joke, ahh... getting a new head,  (Oh, I so wish I could ...) type of thing, or have needed the full on technical description of what an upgrade actually entails. So depending on the viewpoint I either am now feeling:

A joke: I am such a bloody freak I do new a new head as the current one is so awful it needs upgrading for 'normalities' sake

Or 

A techie: I am a full on cyborg, I have been reduced to describing myself in the terms of circuitry and gigabytes in light of my new blue tooth functionality and improved operating systems.

Of course, my sole and enduring 'want/need' in this life, is to be human. I feel like one of the robots yearning for humaneness in Isaac Asimov's Bicentennial Man, but ironically which each new 'upgrade' it's taking me further away from being human.