Now Ludwig and I are One

Whooo - hello - time flies and all that.

Somehow it seemed appropriate to put fingers to keyboard to make reference to the fact that Ludwig is due to celebrate it's first birthday.... I'm one year on from implantation.

So..... what is the biggest 'hearing' difference in a year living with my implant? Environmental sounds - I had forgotten that they existed... the sound of pegs as they clip onto the washing line, taps running (though I still don't react to the sound and leave the sink to overflow...), background chatter (though I still can't make out all of what is being said, I get the semblance of words spoken). Yes lipreading is easier and I don't always have to follow people's faces (at least people who I know well) so much - but the bottom line is I am still a deaf person, albeit in a different way.

I remember that I received an award just before the op last year - well I have gone on to be awarded this year's version of that same award - so my brain much be functioning OK! I've also gone on to do a slightly different job - so having the implant has not been a hindrance or a barrier in a work sense. The only issue I could say about the workplace is that people seem to think a cochlear implant is a miracle cure - nope - I'm still deaf and I still fall asleep during meetings.

Casting my mind back, the biggest concern I had (apart from having my hair shaved off - ironic in that I DO have short hair now by choice) - was that would I ever be ME again? Hmmmm.... to tell the truth I don't think I can answer that one honestly - I still have ongoing identity issues that plague me... I still don't associate myself with the photo's taken of me before the operation, it does seem that person has gone - I feel more brittle now (which certainly doesn't make any sense). I think that possibly I am acting out the person who I think I am. Well it took time for me to accept my deafness in the first place, so I suppose it will take time to accept the new version of me now.

So would I go back and NOT have the implant? Absolutely NOT - it was the totally right thing for me to do at that time. If I was to be offered an implant for my other ear (which incidentally is practically useless, even with a hearing aid) - I would jump at the chance. Weird pluses include the comfort of wearing the implant compared to a hearing aid - it may look rather freaky but it vastly reduces the number of ear infections.

Of course, there have been challenging times on many occasions this year. The numerous scalp and implant site infections (plus turbo antibiotics, creams and being banned from wearing my implant for a week - the equivalent of being put into solitary confinement); the mapping sessions and getting my brain acclimatised to new hearing road maps; the day-to-day practicalities of being charged up, having spare batteries available, asking people to 'hold that thought' whilst you fumble around trying to rig yourself up again. The tinnitus remains horrendous...

So, that's a whistle stop tour of where 365 days takes you with an implant - Happy Birthday Ludwig.