I don’t think I actually fully appreciated that I would ever get to this chapter, the third period of re-invention and trying to define or even find out who I am.
Of course I was always told that my deafness was progressive, but now I’m actually at the stage of ‘implantation’ I’ve suddenly found myself in a blur of uncertainty.
Yes, implantation, what a word – it sounds like a foreign body being inserted against a person’s will – which, in a way, I suppose that’s what it is – accept of course I’ve agreed that’s what I want.
Some stuff – the cochlear implant should be a good thing, it is... I’ll look back at these ramblings and laugh, hopefully.
Let me try and justify today’s thought processes... I’m feeling sad because I hate that something is going to happen to me that I’ve always wanted to avoid, yet welcome it at the same time... weird.
I’m feeling sad because I should be feeling happy that I have got this opportunity to try and make the best of a bad situation – AKA – being profoundly deaf.
I’m feeling frustrated because I can’t do the simplest thing – actually tell the people around me about what’s going to happen.
So let’s investigate this a bit further.
Reasons why I can’t actually tell people:
- The words get stuck in my throat, ha ha (yes really!!)
- I feel like I am making myself look deficient in some way
- I don’t want to see expressions of sympathy or pity – I’m not dead after all :D
Any great insights there? I’ll let you be the psychologist today.
No comments:
Post a Comment